Featured Love and Relationships

Did He Just Say What I Thought He Said? On Our First Date?

By: Marcy L.

I sat there anxiously waiting by myself for the waitress to return with our order, and my date to get back to the table from the restroom. I hadn’t realized how nervous I was until I was left alone with nothing but my own thoughts to drown in. I couldn’t believe this was actually happening. This guy was one of the cutest, most popular and sought after guys on campus and he asked me of all girls, out to dinner.

He was super charming, had a gorgeous smile, and carried himself like a gentleman. I’d see him in the student union every now and then between classes. But when I did see him, we never spoke. We would awkwardly make eye contact as we checked to see whether the other person was staring or not. That staring game came to an end about a week before our date that evening; he approached me at a basketball game and asked for my number. Of course I was completely caught off guard but I didn’t hesitate to put my number in his phone.

It took him three whole days to call me, but you know who was counting? When I did finally get a call, the first thing he did was invite me to dinner the next night. Perfect, just what I wanted. It seemed as if we were already on the same page, so what could possibly go wrong?

Just as I was checking my hair in my front- facing phone camera, he returned to the table and sat in the booth directly across from me. I had no choice but to make eye contact with him. I immediately got butterflies in my stomach.

“So”.. I blurted out before it got way too awkward. Of course I didn’t have any intention of actually starting a meaningful conversation. I had no clue what to talk about. He waited and expected me to say something else.

“So what?” he said. I froze up and shrugged my shoulders. He realized that I didn’t really have a response.

Loosen up girl, sheesh. I thought to myself. He tried again.

“It took long enough for you to let me take you out.” He said as a smirk came across his face. My eyes got big and I bit my lip to hold back the huge embarrassing smile that I could feel coming on.

“It took you long enough to ask for my number.” I replied quickly without hesitation. I may have been a nervous wreck but I certainly meant that.

He immediately started blushing, and at that moment I knew that I wasn’t in this thing alone. He was just as nervous as I was, and I was glad.

“Well I have to be honest..” I got anxious again and felt my heart begin to race. What could it be? An ex-girlfriend? It had to be something along those lines.

“You’re extremely beautiful Marcia, but-”

But? I knew then that whatever was about to come out of his mouth was going to be some b******t. I sat back in my chair, folded my arms and did not break eye contact with him.

“I have to be honest. This is new to me.”

What’s new? Dating? We’re in college I thought to myself. Obviously my confusion showed on my face, because he continued with his explanation immediately.

“Usually I don’t date dark skinned girls, I like light skinned and mixed girls. But you’re just so pretty for a dark skinned girl.”

I looked around the restaurant. This negro couldn’t be talking to me. He had to have me mistaken for someone else.

“Pretty for a dark skinned girl?” I repeated. “A dark skinned girl? You didn’t just say that.”

And like a dummy, he nodded his head yes. Wow, this was the guy that I thought was such a catch? The guy that I’d been eyeing for nearly the entire semester? And a semester wasted at that?

“No offense.” He added, as if it would soften the blow. For the rest of the date I was pretty antisocial, kept my phone out and gave him short responses. It was evident to him that he struck a nerve. Yes, that was a horrible way to start off a first date but I was pissed and my feelings were hurt. To top it off, I even made sure to ignore his texts after he dropped me off, and reminded me for the third time to let him know when I had gotten back to my dorm safely.

As soon as I got in the bed, I called my best friend, and told her all about the night. Mostly about how taken back I was that “Mr. Perfect” had the nerve to say something so ridiculous to me. After letting me vent about the dinner date, she shared with me that she was told the same thing by a guy before. Not only did she experience a similar situation, but so did some of her friends.

At that point I realized this wasn’t something that just happened to me, this was a black girl thing. Black girls, especially those with browner skin are often seen as less attractive according to the standards of society. Which leads guys to tell us foolish things like: “You’re pretty for a dark skinned girl.”

The truth is, they’re partially right. We are beautiful, not because of our skin complexion, but beautiful period. Our deeper shade of brown skin makes us just as beautiful as those of lighter skin tones. That is not to separate one complexion from another, because as a whole all black girls are stunning in every way possible. However, it is important to remember that despite how many guys tell you that you’re pretty for a dark skinned girl, that you’re the bomb inside and out. No one, not even silly guys that have skin complexion requirements for dating, can take that away from you.

Have you experienced a similar situation? Have you been ever been called “Pretty for a dark skinned girl”? If so please  Share your experience in the comment section below.

Leave a Reply

23 Comments on "Did He Just Say What I Thought He Said? On Our First Date?"

Leave a Comment


Sort by:   newest | oldest | most voted
Guest
Anonymous
1 year 9 months ago

I have never been told that before because I am light skin. But it irks my soul when guys say to me they only date light skin girls. That in itself is a turn off because obviously it is insulting to my darker sisters, but it also reveals his intellectual and spiritual shallowness. I now am only worthy because my skin is light. Screw everything else about me like my character. I’m winning because I’m light. It also draws a deeper wedge between shades of black women and an hierarchy stemmed by internal colorism.

Guest
Anonymous
1 year 9 months ago

Yes, this happens to me almost daily. I get the same comment from both females and males. I’m always asking myself why can’t I just be a beautiful girl reguardless of how dark I am.

Guest
Asia__35
1 year 9 months ago

Marcia, did this really happen? If so, what a JACKASS!

Guest
Anonymous
1 year 8 months ago

This has happened to me before as well. I don’t associate with narrow minded mongrels so the instances are far and few in between now.

Guest
LOA
1 year 8 months ago

I grew up in an area where dark skin was hated….a lot! I have never heard this. Most of the guys that I was around at that time liked darker skin women too. Since I am older, I’ve never heard anyone say this…the strangest thing I’ve heard was dark skin women being conceited…
wow.

This “colorism” issue is silly. I have a lighter skinned mother so it’s downright ridiculous to me.

Guest
Anonymous
1 year 8 months ago

Well, you see, I already knew he was a douchebag, but this crush of mine wouldn’t leave so I just went with it. We went out a few times, met each others friends and he even met my little brother – which is a great step, as he is the most important person in my life. We were nearly dating but not quite. And as we were out in some kebab, chlamidya boy decided to confess me that he “was so glad we got along this good, regarding the fact that he never dated my kind of girl”. First I… Read more »

Guest
Anonymous
1 year 8 months ago

I’ve experienced this at least once. A Hispanic guy told me I was pretty for a black girl so not even dark skinned which is why he was interested in talking to me.

Guest
E.C.fromD.C.
1 year 8 months ago

I’ve gotten it for being a fat girl….not a dark one.
I almost want to say same difference because i’ve been short and chubby all my life (low size 14 to a high of size 20). I feel like that stings just as much.
Like why can’t I just be pretty for me……I hate half-insult “compliments”.
I’ve never had anyone say anything negative about my complexion but i’m more so-called “medium” complexion.

Guest
Femenina
1 year 5 months ago

If you think about it, there’s no reason why it would occur to a date to say this to someone except if he were intentionally trying to knock you down a peg or two. He saw your beauty and confidence and looked for the easiest and fastest way to undermine your confidence. He was setting you up to feel lucky that he’s spending time with you when he has other preferences and options. That’s a deliberate setup for an emotionally abusive relationship, where you feel deeply insecure and jump through hoops to keep him. Those are manipulative and power games… Read more »

Guest
Ok
1 year 5 months ago

Black men are racist against dark skin on women (though not on themselves).

Guest
Unknown
1 year 4 months ago

I was around 9 years old when I was told I was too dark to be pretty 👍🏿

Guest
Emma
1 year 4 months ago

A similar situation has happened to me. I am disturbed by some people’s sense of freedom to say what they want. I am especially disturbed by the blatant prejudice that some black people display. When Black people make ridiculous comments like, “you pretty for a dark skinned girl”, they are no different from a overtly racist white person. Get your mind together people.

Guest
Jay
1 year 4 months ago

I literally get this all the time. It drives me crazy. I become very standoffish. I stop interacting with the person immediatly. If they ask what’s wrong I explain that, that mentality is based on a subcategory of racism, called colorism. My proximity to whiteness or fairness should not dictate and does not dictate my beauty. That’s not a compliment. It’s implications are rude. It’s like someone saying I’m so smart and articulate [for a Black person]. It’s rude because it implies im supposed to be stupid. The craziest thing is that I mostly get it from DARK SKINNED DUDES.… Read more »

Guest
Anonymous
1 year 2 months ago

I was riding a bus with a group of friends and one of my guy friends looked at me and said “You know what, you’re really pretty for a dark skinned girl.” And as soon as he saw the negative expression in my face he said “See it was compliment why you gotta be all negative thats why I don’t mess with y’all.” And the group of black guys behind him supported his reasoning and for the rest of the way home I had to hold back tears. Even my ex boyfriend told me he usually only dated Hispanic or… Read more »

Guest
Anonymous
1 year 2 months ago

I been called “Nice looking for a dark skinned guy” before by a woman who only dated “light skinned guys with good hair.”

Guest
Anonymous
1 year 2 months ago

I’ve been told I’m pretty for a dark skin girl just about all my life … I’ve also been told I’m pretty but I’d be prettier if I was a lightskin … I hated my skin color for a while & used to pray that I’d get lighter but I realized I was made to be a darkskin .. confidence is the key… it took me a while to become confident but slowly & gradually I did

Guest
Anonymous
1 year 2 months ago

It happened to me before. The guy also seemed really nice, I didn’t like him but I saw him as a friend. Then he messaged me saying that he’s not normally attracted to black girls but he thought I was really pretty. Smh

Guest
Anonymous
1 year 1 day ago

I’m black and my boyfriend is Puerto Rican and has lighter skin than I. One day we were talking and telling each other why we love one another and my boyfriend started going on about how pretty I was. I was so flattered until he goes “I was never really attracted to black girls but you’re like the first black girl I’ve found to be pretty”. I didn’t even know what to say I just kind of sat there.

Guest
SES
1 year 1 day ago

This guy I use to talk to, tall, dark, handsome, athletic, charming, the whole package I thought, told me he only dates white women. His mother is black, grandmother, sisters, his whole family. It bothered me so much he said he only dates white women. He said he liked me and found me attractive but white women are more his type and he wants mixed babies. He finds white women majestic.

Guest
Ti
9 months 13 days ago

Back in high school this guy that I had a crush on approached me for my number & I was excited cause I wanted to talk to him. One of the first things he had said to me over text was that I was “pretty for a black girl & he wanted me”. Mind you, he was black but ONLY dated white/NB girls. Back then I didn’t really understand how gross that was (even though I was kind of upset about it). Me & him never got much further than him being aggressively flirtatious/trying to get in my pants. Smh

Guest
Momo
8 months 13 days ago

I think the part that bothers me the most is that the people who say these offensive, degrading half-insults feel comfortable enough to say it to our faces; they literally think it’s a COMPLIMENT to tell someone they’re attractive despite their complexion smh.

Guest
Anonymous
3 months 27 days ago

I hope you didn’t give him a second date 🙄

Guest
Kind American
9 days 1 hour ago

LOL. Yep. Also, Pretty for an African girl.

wpDiscuz