Love and Relationships

Black Men Who Refuse to Date Black Women

By: Alexis Ditaway

Love is something that defies standard, goes beyond expectations, and breaks limitations. When it is real, it is something you cannot control, and something you cannot ignore. This is something that I believe in, and fully support. Therefore, before I go further, let me say this:I do not hate, dislike, or look down on black men who date, love, and marry white women. What I DO have a problem with, are the black men who REFUSE to date black women based on preconceived notions and stereotypes.

“Black women are bossy. Black women are too hard to handle. Black women want too much, they have too many attitudes.” and other generalizations are reasons (I personally call them excuses, but I digress) as to why some black men now avoid dating black women.

Many black men have decided that dating black women is “not worth the trouble”, and have deliberately excluded us from their dating pool, seeking the attention of women of other races, primarily white.

As a counter argument to this, I could say that we should promote love within our own race, that the fact that you came from a black woman yourself should be reason enough to love one, and so on and so forth.

But I don’t think I have to go this far to get my personal point across. The bottom line for me is that if you don’t have the audacity, strength, and desire to love a black woman for all that she is, she probably isn’t worried about you anyway.

Black women are power. We are a force of nature that has both its bad and good days. However, if you are far too concerned with the bad that MAY be an issue, then you do not deserve her at her best.

Your refusal to date a black women because she will stand up to you, speak her mind without your permission, and be whoever she decides to be that day does not change the fact that she will do ALL of these things. Rather, it is somewhat of an insult to whatever race you decide to seek after, saying that they are submissive and easier to control. But, once again, I digress.

Black men not dating black women is something that I refuse to spend my time being mad about, because I know that the man that is meant to love me will love me regardless of what he has heard or experienced prior to me. Furthermore, a black woman is not something to “deal with”.

She is something to experience, adore, cherish, and love. She is a prize well worth working for. Anyone that can only imagine “dealing with” me, is someone who doesn’t look at the bigger picture.

So to the black women who feel that they are losing out to women of other races, fear not, boo. You are fine the way you are every day, even on the days you are upset that your twist out didn’t come out right. And to all the men who still feel like they will not date black women: carry on. We really didn’t need you anyway.

Please Watch Video Below.

 

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112 Comments on "Black Men Who Refuse to Date Black Women"

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Anonymous
1 year 9 months ago

quit begging men to love you if they do not want you then move on.

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Sarah
1 year 9 months ago

Hunny… if anyone at anytime says [race] + [gender] = a NEGATIVE attribute THAT HAS NO STATISTICAL BASIS IN REALITY, it is RACISM. That is all it is. Why do black women allow black men to say racist things to them that they would sue a white man over? Do not let ANYONE be racist towards you! It’s RACISM. That’s all that is. The stuff they said is so stupid too. I mean, I’d prefer to date someone bossy than someone whose a criminal, a deadbeat dad, won’t pay child support, won’t take care of his kids, playa from the… Read more »

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milan
1 year 9 months ago

Thank you.

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Caesar
1 year 9 months ago

Every stereotype about black women is just based on anecdote.lol

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Meka 12
1 year 8 months ago

I swear minorities in America love White people more than their own people. Ancestors need raise from the dead and bitch slap the ones cooning and dissing their own people.

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Anonymous
1 year 7 months ago

In the video I agree I’m a black man that just have bad experiences with black women. That doesn’t mean I’m going to stop. If I choose to date outside my race is just so I can have some variation to see what I like.

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Anonymous
1 year 6 months ago

White women are starting to have better and better bodies so black women must also compete with that.. With so much obesity in our community, it just flat out isn’t sexy.

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Anonymous
1 year 6 months ago

I hope we’re all aware there’s a difference between black people and nigguz. The ancestors do need to rise from the grave and slap the s*** out of these European ized no self image ladies and savages running around

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Anonymous
1 year 6 months ago

y’all all crazy, we don’t want STRONG BLACK WOMEN (Manly trait) we want a woman

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Jon
1 year 6 months ago

“we don’t want STRONG BLACK WOMEN (Manly trait) we want a woman”

Thank you!

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Anonymous
1 year 6 months ago

Some black men don’t want black women because they act like men and not women.

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Anonymous
1 year 5 months ago

Dogs and children need to be “handled” . I am not in the business if having to ” handle” a grown ass woman who can’t dial down enough to have a discussion. So no you can keep being opinionated and lonely.

Guest
1 year 5 months ago

we don’t want STRONG BLACK WOMEN (Manly trait) we want a woman So what you’re indirectly stating is that woman means weak. You are an idiot. All women are strong; strength is NOT a masculine trait it’s a human trait that other humans respect and deserve to attain. If you say you don’t want a strong woman, you are admitting you’re a pretty weak man. Women aren’t going to allow themselves to be your little submissive weakling in order for your fragile manhood to be spared. Get your manhood straight and stop demeaning women for being strong, let demanding them… Read more »

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Poor bill
1 year 5 months ago

Black women dress up only to look attractive to other black women. They care nothing about what we as black men think so get the money brothers and go get you any girl but black if you want to be happy and keep ya money

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Extra gram Sam
1 year 5 months ago

I keep meeting men like myself that goes 300% against the stereotypical bm. Or brothers working hard to break the cycle. It’s these stubborn bw doing everything in there power to keep the cycle going. Another thing. It’s being stated all over the web what bm problem is with bw. Just change. We do. Drop the attitude at least. We’ll work on the weave and obesity later. I feel so saddened and depressed when they see me happily dating other races and I know exactly what they have to deal with..smh p.s. Brothers tired of picking up the weave bill.… Read more »

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Anonymous
1 year 4 months ago

Many black men who hate or refuse to date black women literally hate themselves as a result of the psychological effects of societal pressures, which they are too weak to handle. This is not a theory, it is a fact, which some black men have admitted why they attack black women.

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Anon
1 year 4 months ago

The whole post is just a big ass contradiction. The article is about black men not wanting to date black women. Therefore it’s an issue to you. Then you say you don’t care, then you continue on about why they won’t date y’all.

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Summer Rose
1 year 4 months ago

Never in my life have I ever came across a Black men who threw Black women under the bus. Maybe it;s where and how I grew up..I dont know.. but I had the liberty of being around Black men who loved their wives, stayed in the marriages until death , took care of their families and mostly never dogged Black women physically , mentally and spiritually. While I would never doubt anybody observing someone seeing Black men hating themselves, though they are out thereI just never had come across any Black man like that. I wasn’t sheltered and I m… Read more »

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Anonymous
1 year 4 months ago

If Black women are all that you say they are today….then why are Black men pursuing love outside of the Black race?

Being with certain types of Black women today is like being with another dude….

If that sounds somewhat weak on the part of Black men, then so be it….

We want to feel like were with a woman, NOT another dude!

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Anonymous
1 year 3 months ago

What a pointless write up. My black partner has to deal with my attitude, allow me to be me, have opinions, needs, wants and expectations. I don’t just submit to him. However, he does like how I conduct myself and present my thoughts. But according to the writer I must be his little puppet bcuz of my skin color.

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Anonymous
1 year 3 months ago

These are not stereotypes… Why don’t you black women see that? You think a thousand people are going through say the same thing if it isn’t true.. I want a WOMAN who embraces her FEMINITY.. I don’t want a female who “smokes weed with her niggas” blairing rap.music about sucking dick and referring to.me as nigga… If I wanted that I’d date a one of my homeboys y’all can be so destructive and toxic to a mans life that it’s not even worth taking the chance trust me I dated one for 2 years when I first met her I… Read more »

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Summer Rose
1 year 2 months ago

” These are not stereotypes…Why don’t you Black women see that?” You can’t see anything that hasn’t been proven. You don’t know know me or any other Black woman poster on here. Heck..you don’t even know non-Black women. In order for an assumption to be true , it has to be proven..meaning you have to thoroughly conduct research on it. You would have to practically date all races of women to do that. ” I don’t want to smoke weed with her n—-” So every Black woman you know like hoodrats? Do you tell me that there are no non-Black… Read more »

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Asteria
1 year 2 months ago

This was a wonderful article and I believe all the comments from hurt men proves that.

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Crapsandwich
1 year 2 months ago

So, let me get this straight, you’re saying that black men the have lived,worked and played BW/G’s refuse to date or marry within their race because of stereotypes? Every BM raised within a black community has either experienced or witnessed the issues that come up and continue to do so. The very same that BW have continued to brush off as merely being a prolonged set of stereotypes. And while most sensible BM know that “it’s not all” there are far too many to play the guessing game with. Most just tend to quite while their ahead.

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Femenina
1 year 2 months ago

Black men meet women who blare rap with sexually vulgar lyrics and racial slurs because most black men are unemployed, poorly employed, not well-educated, sexually vulgar in speech, refer to themselves and other black men as racial slurs, and tend to meet women by calling to every woman who passes on the street and take anyone desperate enough to bite. Yes, most black men are “thirsty,” as one admitted above. You attract what you are. Black men attract women who are masculine because black men are the least masculine race of men. There can’t be two women in a heterosexual… Read more »

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Femenina
1 year 2 months ago

This is just an observation (as I couldn’t care less one way or the other), but the non-black women that most black men attract tend to be obese, or meth-head prostitutes, or other social rejects. The relationships frequently lead to abandoned mixed kids, and – on the rare occasion they lead to marriage – usually end in divorce. It’s safe to assume black men aren’t finding happiness there, either. As long as most black men choose to be trash, they shouldn’t be shocked when the options of most black men continue to be limited to trash, regardless of the color… Read more »

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Anonymous
1 year 1 month ago

As a King that knows a bit about our true history I try my hardest to put our Queens first but the ratchetness is out of hand and alot of Black women ain’t bout shit. Alot of yall call yourselfs “Boss Bitches” but you strippin and/or sellin pussy for income if us men as a whole were smarter yall wouldn’t have shit. Yall jus like to: Get on Facebook/Instagram, Shop, Eat, and club all on our expense while collectin 2-3 child support checks an aint gon be shit but act like you the hottest thang smokin at 200 pounds. Alot… Read more »

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Femenina
1 year 1 month ago

^^Case in point. He can only attract black women who are obese, strippers, prostitutes, “hoodrats” and live off child support (dubious; most black men don’t pay child support) for the same reason black men attract white and other non-black women who are obese, trailer trash, meth-heads, prostitutes, etc. That reason is that he is a broke ‘hood bum who lacks a promising future, and likely has several “babymamas” whom he isn’t paying child support. (Men who complain the most about gold-diggers are broke and lacking in gold to dig, and his ‘hood slang tells me so much. Compare his “English”… Read more »

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Realtallgirl
1 year 1 month ago

I’m not against any culture, in this country most have been conditioned to low self esteem.
If success was easy, everyone would be. The woman a man loves is his mother. When she conducts herself and teaches him properly, he can date any culture. However..in the latter he normally chooses something close to his idea of her.

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Femenina
1 year 1 month ago

Oh well. If their dating pool matches their personalities, intelligence or lifestyle, they shouldn’t claim it’s a black woman problem, especially when the white women they attract are no better, or are worse. The issue is the “man” in the mirror, who attracts his reflection. Watch the video in the article again: most of the black male college students could barely master English, their only language. Compare with the speech patterns of the black women in the video (and the class they radiate). Then read every comment here again, and tell me which gender wrote all the illiterate ones. Hmm.… Read more »

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Anonymous
1 year 1 month ago

Though not meaning to be insulting or insensitive, (some not all) black women have to repair the damage they have done over the years. I will be as brief as possible so please bear with me. When I was a kid (in high school) the girls only wanted 3 kinds of guys, the jocks, the pretty boys and the jocs. A guy like me, focused, studious, goal oriented was not on their radar. As a matter of fact, I would not make it anywhere on the list. When I would ask a black girl out, I got “I don’t know,… Read more »

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F for Fact-Checker
1 year 1 month ago

Incarceration isn’t a huge issue for *any* group of women. Only 6.7% of inmates in the U.S. are women. Black women are 23% of the 6.7% of female inmates. Black women’s incarceration rates have been dropping for 16 years. The rate of incarcerated poor white women is rapidly rising due to increases in meth arrests. Only 35% of women are incarcerated for violent crime. On obesity, the percentage of black women was 56%. Latinas’ obesity rate is nearly as high (Latina teens actually have the highest obesity rate compared to all teens), but that doesn’t stop black men from singing… Read more »

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MEL
1 year 1 month ago

Believing that he is a nerd is the first mistake black women make. So being an upstanding, academically focused gentleman is considered to be a negative. But this same man 10 years later is suddenly acceptable to you? He was mature; you were not. His life prospered, while your life stalled. Instead of learning from these experiences and valuing the young brother, you rationalize that he is insignificant (your reality is based on sex, penis size, and the latest Hollywood reality show that makes you look foolish) and not at all common. I don’t see educated black men chasing any… Read more »

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Femenina
1 year 1 month ago

There is nothing wrong with being a “nerd.” I put nerd in quotes, but should have realized not everyone would have the IQ to understand the significance of quotes. Tsk. Anyway, I consider myself a “nerd.” I looked like a “nerd” until I became very attractive in high school. I got rejected, bullied, etc. by all types of guys in middle school, but am not crying, sick with hate, and traumatized for life because I’m not a nutcase like American black males. What you need to understand is, you were already both mentally ill and racist prior to your high… Read more »

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LOL
1 year 1 month ago

I wasn’t interested enough in his life and whiny high school problems to read past the third sentence. That negro needs some cheese to go with that whine LOL. These aren’t men. Not one thing about them is masculine. I have no respect or even the remotest sexual desire for them.

-F

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Anonymous
1 year 1 month ago

The ones talking the most shit are married to white men, but you say negative things about the brother who got tired of your shit and moved on. You should be thankful that he is willing to share his experiences with you in hopes that maybe it could help just one of you not be just another angry black woman. He even asked you to read before you responded with sarcasm and hate. The numbers of black men who refuse to date black women is growing every day! You are a dying breed because nobody wants you, no one decent… Read more »

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Anonymous
1 year 1 month ago

Have you not noticed that any woman’s comment on this thread is all thumbs up, while any comment by a man is all thumbs down? If there was any interest in understanding why black men are refusing to date black women, no one appears to be listening. Not one woman has asked a question, and not one woman has indicated any new insights. Maybe lip popping, neck rolling and finger pointing is getting in the way of learning and listening.

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Anonymous
1 year 1 month ago

Bitch, I have a Ph.D in Clinical Psychology! Maybe if you read more you might learn something. Cheese to go with the Whine, How about being authentic and not fake like you, your attitude and your weave!

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Anonymous
1 year 1 month ago

10. White girls can get their hair wet. It’s summertime. Who wants to be at the pool with a girl who’ only concern is not getting her weave wet. White girls just jump in the pool without any care. 09. White girls don’t talk back. Put a little aggression in your voice and she will do whatever you say. That doesn’t fly with other races though. They wanna fight. Always. 08. It’ easier introducing them to your family/friends. “Everyone, this is Amber,” is WAY easier on the ears than, “Everyone, this is Shaniqua. Just saying. 07. White girls have WAY… Read more »

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Anonymous
1 year 1 month ago

I have a better list. Maybe some of you ladies might read now, and argue later. 1. Black women make black men feel under appreciated. 2. Black women are too aggressive and no longer patient in waiting on the pursuit of a man. 3. Black women are strong headed, too independent which presents great challenges in relationships. 4. Black women are masculine in that they are controlling and like to run the relationship. 5. Black women expect too much. They are gold diggers who will not look twice at a blue collar black man. 6. Black women are hot headed… Read more »

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Vanja
1 year 1 month ago

If I said black men are lazy and don’t want to work are all criminals, but because I come from a black man and woman who produce 5 boy and 1 girl (Me) I wouldn’t dare say or believe into these stereotypes about us (Black men & women both). I wish that black men and women get their stuff together. Quit playing right into the white man stereotype.

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Woke Black Woman
1 year 1 month ago

…and so the veneer of civility drops, and the feral negro male displays its true nature…

Guest
wow
1 year 1 month ago

Yes black American guys are so scary and weird. I won’t date one.

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Anonymous
1 year 1 month ago

There is a lot of anger out there on both sides. There is no winner to be found, only two losers. Dialogues are supposed to facilitate understanding and mend fences. What are the reasons black men are refusing to date black women? There were several lists provided with things that may or may NOT be true. If we strike off the absurd ones and the ones based on emotion, we really only have three or four points. If there was a list from females similar to the males, and notwithstanding the removal of the absurd ones and the ones based… Read more »

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Anonymous
1 year 1 month ago

I was never talking about incarceration numbers for black women. I was talking about the criteria that could be used to weed them down, the same as the black men. Why is it that you can filter out the brothers, but they don’t have the right to filter you out? Why is it not discussed the number of black men that have records or in prison that were put there as a result of a lie? These women have charges of theft and assault, but it is never discussed. Why can’t we weed out the obese ones, the uneducated, and… Read more »

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Anonymous
1 year 1 month ago

It’s great that we have the internet where the truth comes out and shakes more black girls and women awake. So many AA men display the same patterns of mental instability shown in the last few comments by Anonymous: -Narcissistic delusion of grandeur that he’s extremely superior with millions of options, while black women are inferior and undeserving, with none -Sense of entitlement to have black women jump through hoops on his command, looking for him to do us the “favor” of adding us to his list of options alongside “superior” women -Passive-aggressive until a black woman disagrees, and then… Read more »

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Tariqbusy
1 year 1 month ago

Sistas need to get it together. Black men with some level of success don’t have to put up with that “strong” shxt.

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MEL
1 year 1 month ago

A sister with a Bachelors Degree in Anthropology is not a degree at all. It still equals unemployed! A blue collar brother that drives a bus is not a college graduate, but he has a job. When we put the rhetoric aside and recognize how these men have been overlooked by women that puff out their chest and ask for a man with a college degree, (where they have a worthless degree)we see the dismantling of the black family in progress. Affirmative action helped African Americans, but it did more for the women than the men. A black woman counts… Read more »

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Angie
1 year 1 month ago

Looks like we have fallen away from the topic of why (some) black men are refusing to date black women. The key arguments appear to be communication, compatibility, support, personal and career goals, family, vanity, independence and behavior. Referencing the behaviors and the reasons behind the behaviors appears to be the key. Let’s not fight our brothers, but try to understand what we ALL need to do to save ourselves and our children. I think about my daughter and her prospects for the future. I am afraid of some of the things I see on the Horizon. I want her… Read more »

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Anonymous
1 year 1 month ago

^^Hopefully, your daughter will manage to become a self-respecting woman who knows her value and finds a partner (of any color) who knows her worth, as well. That is, despite being birthed and bred by a sad specimen of a mother who views racists who spew anti-black women rhetoric publicly and daily as viable romantic options for her daughter, who conceives of negotiating romance with anti-black woman racists who make little attempt to conceal their belief in the inherent superiority of white-femaleness. Why not make her a bride of the KKK? Maybe D@vid Duke is looking for “love” and you… Read more »

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Somewhat Anonymous
1 year 1 month ago

“Bitch, I have a Ph.D in Clinical Psychology! Maybe if you read more you might learn something. Cheese to go with the Whine, How about being authentic and not fake like you, your attitude and your weave!”

Sir, may I offer you a tampon?

Have a nice day. 😉

Guest
Anonymous
1 year 1 month ago

Thanks for the Tampon, Tell your menopausal mama I said thanks.

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