Life as a Black Girl

Diary of a Dark Skin Girl

By: Stephanie Babatunde

_______________________________________

March 28, 2007
Dear Diary,

I am still dark skin. I’ve been scrubbing my face really hard with soap and water for a while now but the darkness in my skin won’t go away. I pray one day I’ll be able to scrub the ugliness away so I can be a pretty light skin girl.

XOXOXO

_____________________________________

April 13, 2007
Dear Diary,

I am still dark skin. I’ve been on google for about 5 hours straight trying to find any home remedies to lighten my skin. So far I’ve tried lemon juice, which really burned, baking soda, which gave me a rash and raw eggs, which stunk. Sadly, none of them worked. I am still dark skin. I am still ugly. One day I’ll find a way to lighten my skin so I can be pretty for once.

XOXOXO

___________________________________

May 15, 2007
Dear Diary,

I am still dark skin. Today in science class we had to watch a movie. When Mr. Collins turned of all the lights, everyone started asking where I went. They all started laughing and making fun of me being so Black. This is exactly why I hate being dark skin.

XOXOXO

________________________________

August 23, 2007
Dear Diary,

I am still dark skin. Today in class my “friend” Eric was making jokes about my skin complexion. He said “when God was making me he was distracted which led to me being so burnt”. I laughed along with him but on the inside I was really hurt. I don’t get it, Eric is Black too. Why am I considered the bad type of Black?

XOXOXO

___________________________________

October 2, 2007
Dear Diary,

I am still dark skin. I’ve noticed that most of the people that make me feel ugly about being dark skin are OTHER Black people. Why is that? On top of that even other dark skin boys sit around and call dark skin girls ugly or undesirable. I don’t get it. We’re both dark skin. Why don’t dark skin girls get to be pretty too?

XOXOXO

____________________________________

November 19, 2007
Dear Diary,

I am still dark skin. I stumbled upon bleaching cream in my Mothers bedroom today. I stole it and read the directions. It guarantees lighter skin. Do you realize what this means!? I finally get to be beautiful.

XOXOXO

______________________________________

January 6, 2008
Dear Diary,

I am still dark skin. The bleaching cream was a rip off. I finished the entire container of skin bleaching cream and nothing changed. I’m starting to feel like I’m never going to be able to fix myself. I’m stuck with being dark skin, this is the saddest thing ever.

XOXOXO

_______________________________________

March 11, 2008
Dear Diary,

I am still dark skin. At night I pray to God asking him to make me light skin. Hoping that when I wake up I’ll finally be able to look in the mirror and like what I see. Hoping he will bless me and make me light skin. But when I wake up, the dark skin is still there. Why does God hate me?

XOXOXO

_________________________________________

May 20, 2008
Dear Diary,

I am still dark skin. Because of my skin complexion I am bullied, teased, disrespected, overlooked and called ugly. And if I am ever given a compliment, it always followed by “for a dark skin girl”. That is not a compliment. That doesn’t make me feel any better about myself or my skin color. I hate my life.

XOXOXO

_________________________________________

July 10, 2008
Dear Diary,

 

I am still dark skin. I haven’t written in a while. I’ve been very depressed lately. I’m so tired of the way people treat me because I am dark skin. I am so tired of these deep insecurities holding me back from doing things like being out in the sun or going to the pool during the summer. Life would be so much better if I wasn’t dark skin.

XOXOXO

____________________________________________

September 22, 2008

Dear Diary,

I am still dark skin. Something happen today. I met this girl, her name is Gabby. She’s dark skin like me too but….. but she’s different. She actually likes her dark skin. She also compliments me on my complexion and tells me to “love myself”. This is the first time I’ve heard someone say something positive about dark skin. I like it.

XOXOXO

_______________________________________________

February 9, 2010
Dear Diary,

I am still dark skin. It’s been 2 years since I’ve written in you. I’ve been busy growing up. Growing emotionally and mentally. I realize now that being dark skin was never the problem. I don’t hate my dark skin, I hate how others choose to treat me because of my dark skin. It’s going to be a while but I’m learning to embrace and love my dark skin. I’m learning to love myself.

XOXOXO

___________________________________________

May 26, 2015
Dear Diary,

I am still dark skin. I didn’t start loving myself until I was 18. 18 long years of self-hate. That is going to take a lot to heal. But I did. I was able to overcome, but not alone. Various movements dedicated to embracing Black people have helped me to love my Blackness. From things like #BlackOutDay which celebrates the variety of Black beauty we have in the world to things like #HowItFeelsToBeABlackGirl by Jada Mosely which is a space created for Black women to talk about their struggles, to embrace their Blackness and beauty and in my case, heal from all the self-hate that has been internalized.

XOXOXO

___________________________________________

January 17, 2016
Dear Diary,

I am still dark skin. I am in love with my dark skin. I am 19 now and I’m reflecting on how I’ve grown and healed internally. If I could talk to my younger self I would ask myself “Who taught you to hate yourself? Who told you that the color of your skin is ugly?”. It wasn’t until I started asking myself these thought provoking questions that I realized that the only reason I hated myself is because the world was teaching me too. But now, I choose love. I choose self love. I choose to love my skin, my Blackness and my people in a world that feeds us self-hate.

XOXOXO

_________________________________________

February 6, 2016

Dear Dark skin girl,

Choose love. Love is your solution, not hate. Start genuinely loving your skin and see how much beauty you are taking for granted because of the distorted image society wants you to see. Do not look for validation from society because you will not find it. Society has a strict beauty standard that purposely excludes people who look like you. That is exactly the type of society you don’t want to seek validation from. So love yourself, your skin and your Blackness.

XOXOXO

_________________________________________

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