Love and Relationships

Does It Go down or Downhill in the DM’s?

By: Reanna Teape

So, you’re casually on twitter or you just downloaded Tinder in hopes of interacting with an interesting guy. You see his profile, yes, he’s ticked all your boxes but yet there are still reservations. The last episode of Catfish is still playing in your mind, because you’re not sure that he’s real and you’re skeptical of his intentions.

However, it’s another Saturday night and you begin to imagine the amazing adventures you could be involved in, if only you gave him a chance. You swallow your pride and replay all the different scenarios that may come to pass, and before you know it you’ve swiped ‘I like’. And then you grow flustered, as you realize he liked you previously and you become a match.

Not only do you realize you matched, but he pops up, ready and rearing to get to know the real you. As your palms begin to sweat, you have to remind yourself not to get too excited as expectations may lead to disappointment.

I mean, you don’t know whether to text now or pretend you’re busy, knowing there’s nothing more you want to do then find out who this mystery guy is. In your mind you can hear a voice saying “Go for it! Be that black bold woman I know you can be!” So you take that leap of faith, and say “hey” in response to his “Hi. How’s it going?” You’re not sure how to play this game, so you just go with the flow, replying every 2 minutes as your black girl intuition reminds you that you can’t look too eager.

Conversations spiral; days, weeks, and months go by and here you are still speaking to this guy. Not only are you no longer in the DMs but he now has your number, and he’s adding you on every social media you have- Facebook, Instagram and the notorious twitter, trying to find out more about you, yet you’ve never seen him but once he suggests you go out you become that little black girl whose always dreamed of Prince Charming taking you away to places beyond your imagination.

Although, you haven’t seen this mysterious guy, you fall for him. You fall for him bad. You agree to the date, you don’t possibly know where he’s taking you and you become submerged into the “what if’s” and then you realize you’ve fallen for a guy you’ve never met.

Everything I’ve described above is reality when it comes to dating in the 21st century . Less women today are meeting their potential partners or even husbands face to face, and the initial connection seems to be increasingly made through social networking. The ‘liking’ of your profile and that selfie you worked so hard to perfect strikes an interest in the mysterious guy. However, many people often criticize the fact that a guy doesn’t exactly know you, but gains interest in your superficially, through pictures or comments made by yourself.

So, how can he truly feel the need to get to know you if he doesn’t know you? I believe that social media not only bridges a gap between a woman and her potential partner, but also increases the curiosity about the other person. Just because he jumps into your DM’s on twitter , doesn’t mean he’s the one. It just means that he has watched your movements on his TL, or seen your tweet pop up on his TL and is intrigued by you.

Whether he’s the one, only you know, however the confidence needed by a man to make that move towards a girl is epic, so why should any girl remove the possibility that she may find the one through social media? Of course there are a lot of terrible stories which come from social media interaction and meeting up, but taking that risk and making sure you feel comfortable with talking to this guy may make it all worth it.

I remember downloading Tinder when I first got to college, just wanting to find somebody to talk and get to know. I was single and I was free to explore my options. I had many doubts about how it would turn out, but I did it anyway. I made my profile and began talking to various guys around my area and even ended up meeting up with some of them out of curiosity.

I think as a black girls, we sometimes unconsciously believe that there is a right way to do things, whether it’s getting a job, or meeting a guy and even starting a family.We feel as if there’s just an order, which makes us put our guard up. However, through interacting with guys online and putting my guard down to a certain extent, I thoroughly enjoyed myself  and was able to have great experience.

Regardless of the extent to which you decide to put your guard down there are  few things you should think about before you even think about downloading Tinder or responding to a message in your DMs, whether on twitter, Instagram. Ask yourself this.. Is it for fun? What do I want to get out of this? What if we meet up and I don’t like him? There are so many more questions, that only you know the answer too.

So what if I didn’t meet the man of my dreams, I had a good time with good company, even experienced heartbreak but it was worth it. It was worth it because I started speaking to a great guy who’s school was close to mine.

We spoke for a while before we jumped to texting each other, which was a big step for me because after getting my heartbroken via Tinder, there was no real interest of me being serious with anybody. Honestly – I was just bored and wanted a distraction. For weeks we would Skype every night without fail until the early hours of the morning. I didn’t want too, but I was really starting to fall for him.

I liked everything about him; his smile, his charm, the fact we had so much in common and we enjoyed speaking to each other. After talking for some time, he asked me out on a date on New Years Eve- which would also be the first time we would see each other.

How crazy was that? Meeting a guy for the first time, while entering a New Year. What if it went wrong? What if we didn’t click? So many things went through my mind. But, I just said to myself, if it’s meant to be, it will be.

Long story short- a few months later he began acting weird. He would snapchat and not reply to my message for hours on end, he didn’t wanna see me on Valentine’s day, and his whole vibe towards me changed- all the while I was becoming more and more dependent on him emotionally ( a big mistake on my behalf!). Then one day he told me he was getting back with his ex-girlfriend.

That literally broke my heart, I spent an entire 24 hours crying and being upset about the whole situation. But, after those 24 hours I was back smiling and feeling like myself again, only to wake up to see another guy in my Instagram DMs. *sighs. And it starts again… I guess the lesson learned ladies, is that you’re bound to experience various ups and downs when it comes to online dating, but being open to meeting somebody online could lead to something amazing .

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4 Comments on "Does It Go down or Downhill in the DM’s?"

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4 years 10 months ago

People do miss their EX at times when you dont do your best to help him take his mind off it.

4 years 10 months ago

Next time get off your ass and look for a man yourself don’t be dependent on social media! cha.

4 years 10 months ago

what a wow. Are you alight ? At this moment can you feel it in you’re braim ? like are u okay

Caitlin Dundas
8 months 1 day ago

The voice against the society who are getting bad things about black women is very compulsory because many women need this. It’s not going down and this will be a great essaymama review so that you will see the result.