Home State Blues

By: Nykia Gaither

A recent trip back to my home state of North Carolina brought to light many things. The most prominent being that my friends, almost all white, have subjected their jokes to racial slurs. The problem is; I used to encourage this kind of behavior. I used to spur it on, and even sometimes starting the jokes myself.

It was like every other sentence had something to do with my race. It was always “I wish I was as black as you” or “you’re black, shouldn’t you be able to dance?” One of my favorites wasn’t even said to me: “I swear you’re the whitest black person I know”. It was impossible to dance and have fun when all I could think was: I wish they didn’t have to bring up my color so often. But it’s not all their fault; I used to condone this kind of “joking”. I would often join in myself, so who am I to get upset when I would be the one to start the slurs?

It kind of just goes to show that people are programmed to see color. Honestly if they didn’t care about my color, why is it such a common topic to be talked about? So many white people claim they don’t see color, but they’re the ones that are the first bring up a person of color’s race.

There was one other thing that was said to me, that I’d  never had said to me before. I was talking with this boy who’s black as well, and he states, “I’m the only black person here blah blah blah”. Now, I was confused, so I wanted to let him know he was incorrect. But instead of getting a curious “oh?” that I often would get, I got “Yeah, but you’re light-skinned.” This one statement honestly bothered me for the rest of the night. I couldn’t stop thinking about it.

I just don’t understand how African Americans can look at each other and dismiss another’s race due to their ‘shade’. It baffles me. Does a pale white person look at a tan white person and say “you’re not really white because you’re too dark.”? No, they wouldn’t (I’m absolutely not comparing us to white people; I’m just simply stating a point). The shade of a black person matters as much as how long their fingernails are. It doesn’t, it shouldn’t. Yes, I’m light-skinned and yes, I’m mixed, but shouldn’t I be able to appreciate the side of me that I’m incredibly proud of without people of my own race diminishing me for it? I think I, and so many others should.

In the past few months, I’ve been educated on how black women should be treated and talked to. Before the outpour of black pride on social media, I was rather ignorant and arrogant on the topic. And before my conversion to facts and rights, I was racist and quite judgmental towards my own race. I’m not necessarily ashamed of it, because it’s an experience that I’ve learned from and it gives me perspective on people who are just like me. If you think about it, you see this all the time, black kids being raised in a predominantly white household: they feel like they don’t fit in with the black kids at school, because they don’t understand them. I felt like this almost all of my life.

It’s so incredibly easy to get sucked into the “black jokes”. I’ve been participating in and accepting them since I was 13 years old. I didn’t know any better. I was never around my dad or his family; my father and his family are all African American, so I didn’t know what was okay and what wasn’t.

I thought they were harmless and funny, while in reality they’re racist and continuing the chain of stereotypes that shadow black people everywhere they go. And now, I have to deal with the consequences. I have to tell all my friends, that when they make black jokes, I don’t approve or appreciate them anymore. I have to get serious and let them know what they’re saying may be funny to them but not to people of my race, or me for that matter.

Although I do have to deal with all of that, I couldn’t be more proud of who am I now. I can finally personally accept people of my color. I can look at black men and think they’re attractive without having the stereotype that black men are temperamental and degrading to women weighing me down.

I can finally look at myself and accept me for who I am. I can love my color. I can make friends with black women without feeling like I’ll never understand them or live up to their wild and amazing personalities. I used to be so judgmental and I’m proud to say that I’ve grown as a person on this subject.

I think no matter how deep you are into ignorance on a topic; you can definitely turn everything around and educate yourself. It’s the best route to take.