By: Caylin Taylor
I’ve learned many lessons in life, some that only impacted me for a short time and others that I carry day to day with me as a personal reminder. The most significant lesson I have learned and I am still learning is the lesson of self love in abundance. Many of us cradle ourselves into the arms and wrath of the others searching for love and validation. But why is that? Truth is, it’s because we are lacking that love for ourselves, from ourselves. We have built up an exterior of who we see ourselves as; unworthy, not good enough, broken, damaged, etc.
We allow the opinions of others as well as broken relationships to implant these negative thoughts and feelings into our minds about ourselves. We subconsciously ridicule and tear ourselves down leaving us with a mental image of negativity towards our own self. There’s no love in that.
What’s happened in the past has happened. There’s nothing we can do about it today. Whoever hurt you, ridiculed you, betrayed you, let it go. The past does not define us. The failure of someone to love you & treat you as a Queen does not dictate your worth.
We have grown to allow others choices and actions to create a boundary of who we are. Feeling insecure, afraid to love, guarded, confused of yourself, and unworthy, are all things that will get you nowhere. Feelings like these are something that I have struggled with and continue to struggle with to this day.
About four years ago, I met the love of my life. I fell so in love with him and became so reliant on his love to keep me going, that when he began to treat me poorly, I still hung on. I held on so tightly that I lost myself, I lost any power I had to this man all because the love I needed to give myself, I was seeking from him.
I looked to him for all my validation and soon began to compare myself to other women. I began to feel empty and not good enough. I was in a toxic relationship with a person who did not respect me enough to treat me as I deserved, but because I lacked love for myself I settled for being treated unfairly, something no woman should do to herself. We are worth so much more. And to this day, I am able to speak this to many other women because it’s still something I am struggling to overcome, but once you learn and have the tools to do better, apply them and grow from your pain and experiences.
To grow each day we have to learn how to love ourselves, accept our flaws, and seek out the positives of who we are and all the great attributes we bear that makes us who we are. Once you can learn to find peace within yourself and find a place of loving you for you, you will no longer find a need to be loved by others. The love you once sought out will be filled from the love you give yourself. Someone else’s love should only be an enhancement to your own.
Going out and searching for love is a very easy way to lose yourself and lose a relationship. You set your expectations up to be loved but when that fails to happen the self guilt and ridicule comes.
How many times have you found yourself after a break up telling yourself, “Maybe I’m not good enough?”, when that in fact is far from the truth. You’ve allowed the expectation of love to overrule your self worth to the extent that you feel undeserving when you did nothing wrong.
So, now ask yourself, how would you have felt if you in fact loved yourself. Would you still beat yourself up? Probably not. Learn when enough is enough, learn when to say no, learn that every failure isn’t the end and that every person you lose is not a loss. And please understand that protecting your space and getting rid of any toxic people and thoughts is important in gaining your self love. Free your self. We have the power to create the lives we want. So create wisely and be daring.
The key to finding self love is finding inner peace. Meaning, you are abundantly happy in your own shoes, you’ve forgiven all people who have let you down, you bear no jealousy but only love, and you are fearless and ready to eject your love out into this universe and is ready to receive it back. You have to believe you are deserving of greatness. The more love you have for yourself, the more amazing things in life you’ll attract.
Gaining self love allows you to gain strength, will, and joy. The more love you have for yourself, the more you have to give out, and others will appreciate you for that, including yourself! We as Queens are always deserving. We are fearless, and we have nothing but love to spread. Let no one strip you of that power.
You are good enough, you’re worthy. The journey to self love is a long and hard process but the rewards of it are worth the journey. Continue seeking peace and power. You control your happiness.”