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The Struggles of Dating as a 20-something Year Old Virgin

By: Jerrica K. Wiley

I am a unicorn. I mean it. I am a freaking unicorn. Not a rainbow unicorn but a black one. Yea. I’m a black unicorn. Why am I a unicorn? Because I am a very rare type of woman, that is, according to this guy I was talking to. It was the moment that he asked me for proof. The very moment that he called me a liar that I had an epiphany, a revelation, a brain fart, or any other creative niche you could come up with that would apply to the situation; I had it at that very moment.

I was in the beginnings of a relationship with a guy, a guy whom I had actually really liked and I just felt in my gut that he would be the one because we clicked so well and right away which is unheard of compared to the recent guys that I’d dated. I am a Christian woman and with that being said, whenever I do anything I always ask God for guidance.

I always ask Him to lead me down the right path. When I had prayed about this particular guy, I felt in my spirit that God wanted me to go ahead and tell him about my vow before things got really serious with us. See, when I was fifteen years old I made a vow to God that I would remain a virgin until I was married. Here I was at twenty five years old telling this guy that I’m a virgin and his immediate response was, “Show me the proof.” So, what was the epiphany?

I realized that I was completely over the entire situation altogether. Forget about men. Forget about relationships. Forget about it all! The rest of my week consisted of many phone calls and text messages from Mr.ShowMeTheProof saying that he just can’t believe it because society has shown him otherwise and this infamous line of his: “I feel like you just told me that Popeye’s sells tacos.” Oh and this one too : “All my life people have been telling me that pigs don’t fly.”

From me he received a bunch of messages that said and I quote:
“Please piss off!”

“I don’t care what society has shown you!”


Okay, you get the point, I was anything but nice. I get that he was surprised that a black woman at the age of twenty five was still a virgin but the disrespect that he spewed at me had completely turned me off and right then I was done. He even told me that I was way too confident to be a virgin. So, I guess virgins are supposed to be timid and insecure or something?

Seriously, is it more acceptable for a woman to say, “Hey I’ve had about fifty three sexual partners, do you want to be number fifty four?”, then for her to say, “I’m a virgin and I want to stay that way until I’m married. I hope you understand.”?

Is our society really that messed up? The answer is yes! It’s completely unacceptable to be a virgin now-a-days and that is so absurd. Not everyone’s life is centered on sex. I mean, I can’t miss something that I’ve never had. But back to Mr. ShowMeTheProof, did I mention that he’d begin asking about me to other people?

He needed some witnesses to attest to the fact that I was a virgin. That didn’t do anything but further disgust me and piss me off. In the end I offered to give him the number to my gynecologist, surely he’d believe her, right? Eh, probably not.

Anyway, that’s when I became completely comfortable with being by myself. I didn’t care about Mr. Right anymore. Hell, I decided to just stop looking. I became content with being alone. At that moment, there was no such thing as loneliness. I was actually fine. I know who I am and I know my self worth and if I’m dating a guy and he can’t wait until we’re married to have sex then to hell with him. I just keep trucking on or err- galloping (since I’m a unicorn and all).

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8 Comments on "The Struggles of Dating as a 20-something Year Old Virgin"

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5 years 2 months ago

This is an awesome article . I enjoyed reading it.

5 years 1 month ago

Awesome read

5 years 28 days ago

Hi, I’m black 22 and a virgin too. Can I be a unicorn too :D??? We could start a unicorn club lol.

Summer Rose
4 years 11 months ago

Can I tell you something? if you’re a virgin..stay that way until you find that special man. I’m celibate and have no plans on dating and if I could do it again, I would have remained a virgin. It’s not abnormal to have those sexual feelings but fight them off as much as possible. Just keep thinking that you don’t want any unwanted kids, any deadly VD’s and don’t want to lose it to a man who just wanted to get laid. Thankfully, I wasn’t victimized by non of this but i would have rather lost my virginity to a… Read more »

4 years 10 months ago

Thank you.

4 years 5 months ago

I really enjoyed this article! As a 20 year old in college, a majority of my friends are non virgins and sometimes I felt like an outcast. But then I truly realized how lucky I was because I know that God has a time and season for everything.

4 years 3 months ago

Wow, this concept is crazy to me. I spent my life wanting that innocent kind of love, that transcends sex and the status quo and just Is free from what’s becoming the norm of society. I wish I could say I’m a virgin but I’m just a guy that got married at 19, divorced at 24, and has had sex with three women my entire life (I’m 25 now). When I was getting married it was like “find the love of your life” and then when i turned 24 everyone was like, “find lust.” It struck a nerve with me… Read more »

Ladedric Spearman
2 years 5 months ago

I’m 28 years old….ive been praying for a Virgin woman…. a lot of these women nowadays aren’t very insecure and bitter of how guys did them in the past