Life After 25 Love and Relationships Marriage

To Marry or Not to Marry?

By: Kency D.

I am a huge fan of marriage, but I am here to tell you that it’s not for the weak of heart. In fact, it is my opinion that marriage is the hardest endeavor one can ever undertake, especially in this day in age according to writer Anthony D’ Ambrosio, a Contributor for the website In his articlehe openly wrote about ‘5 reasons we can’t handle marriage anymore.’ And to be completely honest, after I read it, I find myself relating to almost all of the 5 reasons.

I can even personally co-sign on a couple bad habits that I have developed myself in my short marriage. All five reasons are perfectly right, and I know i’m guilty of number 3, being connected, but completely disconnected at the same time. “Let’s face it, the last time you “spoke” to the person you love, you didn’t even hear their voice,” he wrote. Unfortunately, that statement is true. I have been known to tune my husband out, and after awhile he eventually starts sounding like snoopy, but only when I’m multitasking.

Yes, marriage is hard, so I somewhat understand when I hear celebrity like Oprah Winfrey and mega producer like Shonda Rhimes say, ‘marriage is just not for me,’ but at the same time, I often wonder why. And I’m even more perplexed when people close to me start repeating the same thing. I question the real reason behind this trend because it is foreign to me to hear people say they are not the marrying type. It is a curious phenomenon and I wonder when or how does one come to the conclusion that they are not the marrying type.

Looking back, I always knew I was the marrying kind. So the other side of that question is, how do you know you are the marrying kind? From my experience, it was from watching my parents with one notable difference. I knew the kind of person I wanted to marry had to be different from my father.

Don’t get me wrong, my dad was a great father, and still is, but he was lacking in the husband department. He was a typical Caribbean man with the trappings of a smooth talker, but he also had the trappings of possessive Caribbean man who ruled my mother like a dictator. Still they managed to stay married for 40 plus years and still are. Which brings me back again to why some people are the marrying kind and others are not.

I mentioned before that I always knew I was the marrying kind. In contrast, my sister who grew up in the same household as I did decided that she wasn’t the marrying type. Obviously, we saw the same things growing up, but it’s clear now that we experienced it differently. I am guessing she came out of it thinking if this is marriage, she doesn’t want any part of it. Whereas I came out of it thinking this is definitely for me. So what’s the lesson to be learned from this.

Marriage is not what you see, but simply what you think it is, because no two marriages are the same. I believe if you think marriage is a trap, where you lose your freedom and consequently your identity, which is what I often hear people describe it as, then of course marriage is not for you because freedom and identity are vital to living.

But on the other hand, if you believe that marriage is an agreement between two people who love and respect each other, who come together to make two half a whole while still maintaining their own identities, then you are definitely the marrying kind.

If you are thinking, you can still do that without marriage, then you missed the point. I believe when you ask God to send you your soulmate and he does, you honor him by accepting his blessings, and that takes place in a church, and after that you celebrate the union.

In conclusion, there is no one way to answer that age-old question of whether or not to get married. But hopefully, the number one reason why people get married is for love. And I understand even then, it is still hard, because the reality is not all of us are the marrying kind.

I would love to hear your opinion on the matter, so don’t hesitate to speak. Leave a comment below.

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35 Comments on "To Marry or Not to Marry?"

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2 years 1 month ago

Yes, I agree. Marriage or the ideal marriage is what you choose to make it and how you choose to see it. It’s truly a mindset. Yes, you love the person with all your heart. But, the dedication, commitment and hard work comes with the made up mind that divorce is not an option and you’re in it for the long haul (til death do you part). No, everyone is not the marry kind by either their own personal perspective of the “ideal marriage” or they simple haven’t found the right one. I feel some people marry their careers, their… Read more »

2 years 1 month ago

Dear Anonymous, thank you for your comment. 😊
It’s clear you have strong feelings about marriage, and I completely agree with you on your all assessments. Though I am sorry about your first marriage, but I am glad it didn’t sour your feelings about marriage. In fact it sounded to me that it made you that much more determine! And that’s great! Please keep your faith, the Almighty always comes through.

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