Are We as Women Partly Responsible for Emotional Objectification from Potential “Lovers?

By: Shaunese Johnson

“Most men don’t see us as human beings, potential friendships. We are sized up for consumption of some sort, then discarded if we don’t fit in.”- Erykah Badu

This quote by Erykah Badu greatly defines how our society portrays women. Men no longer seem to want the challenge and growth that actually comes with connecting to a woman before becoming intimate with her. Women are seized for sexual objects of society’s standards of dating such as “Netflix and Chill,” while being seduced by compliments of a “Woman Crush Wednesday.” Its saddening and shocking to see people who are “impressed” by men  who still go out of their way to spend the time planning  a date that requires effort and creativity.

As women we can’t simply blame the men or constantly repeat the phrase “all men are the same,” when us women have our own growth, worthiness, and self-awareness to continuously work on. We can continue to blame men for over sexualization, exploitation, being cheated on, etc., but at the same time we need to realize that we have the power to make our own choices and decide who’s worthy of our sacred energy.

Why do some women continue to settle for situationships if they truly believe/ want to be in a nurturing and committed relationships? Fear. We fear if we let go we will be alone and never meet anyone again. So in return some women believe they have to settle by living in the moment. But realize it’s more to life than just settling.

I’m a firm believer that some men can detect weakness, and unfortunately some choose to thrive off of a woman who is “broken,” disconnected, and has low self worth. For a man to appreciate and value you, it begins with being able to value yourself and be accept  your flaws. In no way shape or form should you feel uncomfortable or have to constantly question love. Love should be an answer shown through a man’s actions, and what he feels at heart.

Often times we women actually want a relationship. Sometimes we fall in love with the idea of a person changing, and we hold onto hope that things will get better when its clear that nothing will change. In order to grow you can’t run constantly run back into the arms of a person who causes you to shrink.

Of course it’s beautiful to want to be in love and settle down. I too constantly have these dreams and living in this generation makes it that much harder to find that special someone. I always tell my friends, I’m all for setting down…but I’m not down for settling with just anyone to say I’m finally in a relationship. There’s a difference.

As an African American woman of course I have noticed how they portray us in the media as simply “settling,” for what we can take. In the media among our reality shows women are often seen fighting for the same man, seeking validation from a man, and constantly taking the same man after constant cheating. Love always seems like a “struggle,” or an uphill battle leaving us African American woman “helpless” or either known as the tiresome stereotype of the “angry black woman.”

However, we have the power to change and break this toxic stereotype. First we have to heal and change our mindset before we can even think about a man’s viewpoint of us. I have learned to speak my mind instead of “downplaying” a situation. A woman who wants a relationship, marriage, family etc. and chooses to address it isn’t being what society calls “desperate,” but she is simply a woman who knows what she wants as an end result. Instead of having millions of ways to fall in love with another human being, we must first learn to fall in love with our true raw selves before looking for anyone.