Finding the Empowerment Within

By: Marchelle Bryant

Often times, support groups ‘sistah circles’ or other organizations meant to empower and help connect women have underlying problems. The image they portray is to empower and network, but you find within the intricate weaving of the group there is still the under current of favoritism, shutting those out that they don’t think fit or who have not passed the silent hazing of social undermining & social relational bullying. We find it hurts when anyone does this to us but it cuts deep & it seems to hurt worse when it is our own. We have to face the feelings and emotional wounds of being stabbed in the back by our own who are literally ostracizing another sistah, human bring, and child of God.

What has to be learned if one has not already done so, is how to protect your spirit and not allow anyone to filtrate your spirit with negativity and cover you with the feelings inadequacy. Who you are as a living breathing human being is a gift to the world and that has a right to be shared and enjoyed by others. So, how do you protect your spirit?

First you have to accept and understand who you are. The good, the bad and the ugly. Don’t be afraid because all of these intricate details are you and you are authentic. Even the negatives can be used as positives. I once told a student of mine that, people may say you’re aggressive, but you should own it & use that aggressiveness as a smooth, assertiveness.

I told her, you can work everything about yourself for the good, and right reasons, but you have to know who you are first. If you don’t understand you, there is no way possible you can protect what you don’t know or understand what is there and why. If you don’t know you, why would anybody else want to know you, or accept you because you haven’t.

Being unbalanced and unsure affects how you respond and deal with things. As a result, you will meet every negative experience with defensiveness, or defeat and continue to walk away feeling unworthy. You don’t have to defend who
you are with defensiveness. It showed up loud and clear with you, but once the vibe became negative with the mean girls club or anyone that does not accept you with open arms, you have to face the fact that it is you that is giving them the power to alienate you. The second guessing yourself from their reactions and responses is what gave them the authority to pick you apart, but there is a way to protect your spiri

We’ve all had moments when we’ve felt knocked down. Sometimes we make a fast recovery and we think everything is okay, but if you are unsure of how to protect your spirit, emotional state, or self esteem, you will walk away carrying the hurt of
others and the negativity that you let them inflict upon you.

I had to learn this myself when I would walk into a room feeling confident, or so I thought, but shortly after being met with eye rolls, dry grunts, being stared down, snarls & laughs it was my reaction after that, that determined if I truly was the confident woman that I portrayed myself to be or if I was an unsure shell of a person that was allowing them to call me out for trying to portray what I had not grown to be.

What I found, once I grew and started looking at things on a deeper level, is that by their action they are in a sense
questioning you. Are you truly this woman that you are showing us you are, or is it fake? My questioning was not like a
little girl anymore whining about why they don’t like me.

My approach once I accepted who I was, was to greet those oppositions and let them know I’m sorry YOU feel that way and are uncomfortable with my presence, but I can assure you my being me is of no threat to you. And to assure you of this I will not greet you or retaliate with cattiness or bitchiness, but acknowledge something wonderful about you as a fellow sistah.

Lets face it, we learn from each other. The way we dress, hair, makeup, shoes, comparing our body types and what style works for us once we see it on someone else similar to our shape & physical structure, but before we will compliment each other or give credit and flatter each other, we tear each other down rather than build each other up.

Even if you say nothing, but you stare a person down, but you really like what you see, you give the impression of displeasure or disgust to make another feel uncomfortable or to keep them from feeling happy. Isn’t copying the highest form of flattery? So we must learn how to empower within ourselves and to teach others when there is negativity hovering or an elephant in the room.

How I learned to do this is by remaining at peace with myself and greeting all, especially the sistah in the room with the darkest spirit when we cross paths. The purpose is to keep myself in a good, positive place. I appreciate something I like in her style of dress or I speak pleasantly and say, “how are you? It is such a pleasure to meet and be amongst you, for something that is of great purpose.” The purpose of you being being there not for their negativity, so why should the attention be there. Put the focus and purpose back where it belongs, on the cause for the gathering and walk away. Walk confidently, without stammering, being insincere or throwing shade.

Once I’ve done that, I move on and never address, think about the negativity or go back their way and I allow all the positive energy to flow my way. Once I’ve addressed it and they continue to be negative, I let it be known in my thoughts thank you for showing me who you are, I respect who you are, where you are emotionally, and spiritually, but I will not allow you into my space. I only surround myself with positivity.

Self awareness and the acceptance of self is the key, because no one can take your power. You either don’t know what it is,
therefore you can’t protect yourself and people are all over you, picking you part, telling you who they think you are, or making you the puppet because you won’t take the initiative to find you, deal with you, and be you. Or, you are unsure of everything you see within and you’re afraid to face it and that mask becomes a defense mechanism and uncomfortable every time someone questions you, rubs you the wrong way, or you feel unaccepted.

Now, I’m not saying stay anywhere you feel unaccepted, but it’s how you stay or walk away that affirms who you are and if you can walk away or stay without doubt or feeling unworthy because you understand who you are, the unwavering beauty you posses that cannot be taken away because only you can give it
away.