Go Get Him, or Let Him Come and Get You?

By: Jiovanni Ming

Before we dig into this let me tell you a little bit about myself and how I was raised. I am a very outgoing and outspoken young woman, I’ve been that way since I was a child. If I see something that I like or even dislike I’m never afraid to make it known and I’ve always been told that this quality was a great one to have. My mother would beat it into my head that nothing just falls in your lap, if you want it you have to go after it. But as I matured I realized that her words were conditional and I’ve never understood why.

Once I hit the age where I decided boys weren’t icky anymore and the annoying one who always sat in the back of the class was kinda cute, my mother started singing a new tune. If it had anything to do with boys, then being outspoken wasn’t okay unless they were trying to hurt me in some way. Do you remember how in the movies the main character would have a devil and an angel on either shoulder telling them what to do?

Well that was me except with my mother throughout my Middle school and High school years, just yapping in my ear. “Let the boys come to you Jiovanni.” “Don’t run after those little boys you’ll look fast.” “The guy should always make the first move.” BLAH BLAH BLAH! I’m sure you can imagine my confusion, yes? I had to rewire my whole thought process and I hated it.

So, there I was, middle school me, confused as hell and trying to figure out why none of the boys were writing me notes or telling me that they liked me. You would think I’d be relieved once I’d figured it out the summer after eighth grade, right? WRONG! Let me explain… I had a HUGE crush on one of my guy friends during middle school which had eventually died due to what I thought was a lack of interest on his end. But to my surprise HE LIKED ME THE WHOLE TIME!

When I asked him why he never said anything he told me he was “scared” to. Who am I? The boogie man? I couldn’t believe it, it made absolutely no sense to me and at first I thought that it was a bad thing. My self-esteem plummeted… As if it wasn’t hard enough growing up as the little slinky black girl who was barely decent looking, but now boys are afraid of me too? This was just great. But I still tried it my mom’s way because “mother knows best” until I hit junior year.

Now let me tell you about seventeen year old me, seventeen year old me knew that she was all that in a bag of chips and more! She was living for herself and not giving a damn about anyone else and how they felt about her, okay? I was THAT girl and I realized that it could be very intimidating and not just for the boys either. I noticed that it wasn’t that boys weren’t interested in me, I was just sort of… unapproachable and if it wasn’t that we simply didn’t run with the same people for them to even have that access to me.

After coming to these conclusions not only on my own but with reassurance from both my male and female friends I decided that this “waiting game” wasn’t for me. I refused to keep watching the boys I was interested in slip through my fingers especially when it was clear that their was some sort of mutual attraction. It just seemed ridiculous to keep letting these opportunities pass me by just because according to whoever it wasn’t appropriate for me to be the first to speak up.

Moral of the story is ladies if you like him I’d recommend you go and get him. Let me let you in on a little secret, GUYS CAN BE SHY TOO! I’m not telling you to be “thirsty” but you can let yourself and your interest be known. All it takes is simply introducing yourself or giving an innocent compliment to give them that extra push to  make the first move.

If you’re really brave you can even give them your number. Let’s be honest girls, guys can be a little slow so you may have to drop a couple hints. There’s nothing wrong with that! What’s the worst that could happen? Go get your man because I guarantee you, if YOU don’t somebody else will.