How Having Cancer Showed Me How to Live

By: Erinn Budd

21-year-old college senior, with two jobs, a radio show, and involved in multiple student organization. I worked hard, but it was all to buy my mom a house as a long-term goal. Who knew that life could change with one phone call?It was a Tuesday morning. September 9, 2014. I was running late for work because I had to have a CT scan, one of the many tests that I had within a 2 week time period. My doctor had me jumping through all kinds of hoops to solve this medical mystery.

I was more than over it, feeling like a personal petri dish for this doctor. “We have the results from your scan. I need a minute to go over it with you. I am sending you to a surgical oncologist. They should be contacting you soon.” My heart dropped, and whatever else she said was irrelevant at the moment. Surgical? You mean I am going to have to have surgery? Oncologist? Did she just tell me I have cancer, without telling me that I have cancer? Work was a blur that day, but afterwards, I spoke with my mom, dad and Aunt, whom used to be a nurse and is also a cancer survivor.

The appointment was two days later and my surgeon had already picked a date and time for my surgery. She told me I was diagnosed with Adrenal Cancer, and that she would be removing the gland. What the heck is an adrenal gland? Well, it sits right above your kidney and regulates your fight or flight response.

I told my roommates I needed to speak with them so when I got home that evening, they were beyond worried. I broke the news to them, and let them know everything would be ok. But, to be honest, I had no clue what was about to happen. All I knew was that I had to be strong. If not for myself, then for them. I named the tumor Ester, and it was time for her to go.

Surgery went well, but it was the journey thereafter that I wasn’t prepared for. A year in and out of the hospital, pain that would drive anyone crazy, consistent nausea and vomiting, passing out from unidentifiable triggers, hair falling out; all while still being enrolled in classes as I attempted to finish my Bachelors degree. I had a lot of bad days. Pain so bad, the only thing I could do was cry. Unfortunately my Health Plan wasn’t going to be cheap for my family, so I found a solution by getting a viatical settlement for my Life Insurance policy, azmoney calculator help me find out how much should I ask for it.

I knew I was better than this. With the support of my family and friends in hand, I created a team for VCU’s (Virginia Commonwealth University) Relay for Life walk, and eBelievers was born. We set out to raise awareness, along with our original fundraising goal of $800. Once we created the webpage, we met said goal within the first 72 hours. With all of the support we received from our peers, university faculty, and other members of the municipal, we far surpassed what we would thought we could do as a team. As we continued to raise awareness, we raised more money. In total, we raised over $1,500. The community was inspired.

In June, during another hospital stay, I found out I was diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer. I have 5 tumors on my pancreas, and decided to name them the Gross Sisters. Each night all I could do was question the odds that I had just been diagnosed with two types of rare cancers. I hit rock bottom after my surgeon cancelled my surgery, and all they told me to do was wait.

There I was feeling helpless; the complete opposite of what I was raised to be. I come from amazing stock, a family of amazing black women that defy the odds, and could be pictured next to Superwoman in the dictionary. I always found a way to pull myself out of any situation but this time I couldn’t see the silver lining. Superwoman can’t be down; she has to continue saving the world.

I’m here, with every ounce of my #BlackGirlMagic, to let every millennial know, we don’t have to have it all figured out. The only tool that you need to have is Hope. Every black woman that we idolize is well into her 30’s or 40’s. Giving up is never an option. We’ve come too far. No matter what your story is, don’t turn back now.

Everyone looks at a tree and sees how beautiful the leaves are, how strong the branches are, but always forget that at one time, this was a small seed that had to face its own new experiences, such as growing through the soil, in order for everyone to see its beauty. These are our years to grow through the muck, and sprout. Let your roots settle. Hey, black girl! You are destined for greatness. I mean, look at you. Your melanin is popping, honey. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Superwoman has to take off her uniform sometimes to wash it, right?
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About the Author: Student, daughter and friend, Erinn is a 23 year old cancer survivor who founded her own non-profit, eBelievers. She loves music and hopes to one day work at Hot 97. Follow the journey on Instagram & Twitter @i_am_eB.