Learning To Live Comfortably In My Skin

By: Ti-Easha Alexander

Social media allows viewers to see and believe both true, and on the contrary, false information. As viewers we have to choose what we believe however, trending topics such as relationship goals, wife goals, and life goals often do it for us. Social media fills our head with the “perfect” lifestyle, and with this the secularism towards black women has increased making us a prominent stereotype-one to be ignored. Not good enough for what every guy seems to want, we turn to self-hate and transformations from what we really are.

To be viewed as less than ideal is something African Americans face daily. As a young black woman, I used to find myself stuck trying to please boys. My childhood memories consisted of white ideals which filled my head. I wanted to be everything but by own skin. I never felt good enough and would post pictures trying to be the epitome of the white woman because I thought that was what all guys liked.

When you’re younger nonchalant things are always said and done. I remember I would say things to my parents such as, “I want to be white,” but it wasn’t until I was older that I reached the point of self-actualization, and even those who are strong enough to make it there still fall.

I needed to love myself and that meant finding who I really was. I still do not think I have, but I most importantly never forget where I came from, the little girl with a head stuck on white supremacy. My childhood is sometimes pain, but my transformation is the Novocain.

I used to straighten my hair to the point of no return, I used the highest heat to fight the hardest battles- myself. My curls never seemed to lay straight like the girls at school or plastered on my crushes social media.It was not me who drew the boys away, it was the actions of the other African American women around me. The distasteful internet fights, smacking of the gum, weave on the floor, and “loud” talking, is what drew them away.

Not just from some, but from the whole race… from which very many of the men belonged. The stereotype of black girls developed with connotation strung high from everything “sublime”. “I don’t date black girls” is what most the men would say, as if we were all this way. We became the opposite of beautiful, but most substantially- we became a category.

My closest guy “friends” used me as the intermediate to find the trending skin tone and or race, “anything but black”, “you have any fine white friends?” , it hurt. I never wanted to get out of the friend zone (for the most part) but even so, there was no fair change for me to do so since I wasn’t even an option to him.

The boys grew up and relationships got “serious”. Now the men I see on Instagram favor a Brazilian butt lift to go with their Brazilian girl, but I no longer want to blame myself. It’s hard to imagine how men raised by black women degrade who they are and their worth. I used to ask myself why anything but black was favorable, but that is not and will never be for me to determine.

I grew up, gained wisdom, got stronger, and even more so louder. The “loud” wasn’t used for my internal screams anymore but rather for the screams that I began to transform into my voice. I began to dominate the ignorant conversation that degraded the community of black women. My age changed, my face changed, but the color of my skin never did.

Self-love is all we really need in order to rule out the negativity of words. The presence of a strong bonding relationship within yourself must first exist before you try to create one elsewhere. I love the skin I am in and my goal is to inspire others to love theirs too. The strength of all the men in the world could never knock down the confidence of a strong black woman dedicated to God and herself. Chart a new course within yourself and do not feel sorry for the way you are designed. Learn that you cannot escape your own body no matter how bad you want to.

You are your only barrier not the men of our own race who continue to go against us. Let your childhood be nostalgia for change! Black is beautiful and black is love and there is no hashtag or trending topic that could ever change that.