Love and Be Loved

By: Alexis Ditaway

One complaint I hear among black men is that “Good guys do not win.” They insist that the black women that they desire are overlooking the “good” men who are willing to give them the time and effort they deserve, for the exes that do them wrong and men that only offer them nightly visits and inconsistent reply texts.

For years, I argued against this, refusing to believe that this was a widespread phenomenon. However, after gaining several black male friends, more female friends, and insight into these situations, I must say that this is indeed happening. The question I was constantly asked was simply “Why?”

Now, by no means am I a relationship expert, but I do feel that the reason for this boils down to a simple phrase: “We accept the love that we think we deserve.”Ladies, before you begin to rip this apart, hear me out: to be loved and cared for by someone else, one must first love and care for themselves.

They must see themselves worthy of the best love that is out there, thus giving themselves the best self love they can offer. But if you don’t love yourself completely, meaning accepting yourself and your insecurities, and loving who you are no matter who SHE is, you won’t even be able to accept good love.

In short, if you treat yourself like you ain’t shit… The love you will accept won’t be shit, either.

My sisters, it’s okay to be loved, wanted and taken care of by a man who feels you deserve it. You are worth more than the subpar effort people will attempt to give you. The nice guy that you have put to the side constantly because you believe he’s “too good to be true” might actually be your wonderful reality.

Love and dating is not always about struggle, like it is on tv. Your worth should be projected so clearly that no one will have to question it. The guy that seems like a Prince Charming, might actually be a prince, waiting for you to stop wasting time kissing frogs.

You should treat yourself like you deserve the world, and the world will be given onto you. A man will see how good you treat and present yourself, and want to treat you the same, if not better. But if you love yourself at the minimum level, you will continue to be loved by others at the minimum level, and not know how to react when you are given the maximum. You should not only treat others the way you would want to be treated, but treat yourself the way you want others to treat you.

Am I saying that you should believe everything you are told? Not at all. But if someone good comes along and proves themselves, you should explore it. There are black men who are ready,willing and searching for black women who they can show their desire and appreciation. Know that you do deserve and are ready for this good treatment. Love yourself the best, and you will be loved by the best in return!