The Trials of Being the Only Black Girl in the Group

By: Khiana Allen

Having a group of girlfriends is so important. You have people to hang out with, ladies with the same interests as you and just an overall support team…well for some of us. I am at a point in my life where I’m like “I want some more black friends!”
I have a group of girlfriends that I work with; 2 white girls and a Hispanic girl. Then there’s me; the black girl. We are in our lower to mid 20’s. Now there’s totally nothing wrong with this color wheel. It’s 2016! But listen to my story.

I’m not too sure how I got caught up in this circle of friendship, because I literally feel like the black sheep out. Our friendship began when I initially become friend with one of the white girls, the other one was my assistant, and the Hispanic one was there. Long story short, we all just mended together. It was coo and totally different experience for me. I know that may seem like a “huh?” I do have friends that are other races and ethnicities, but I’ve never been the only black girl. And being the only black girl with a small group of girls who listen to country music and are married with kids living at their momma’s or in laws house is like a total “huh?”

Our group became whole by February of 2015. We hung out together at work and out of work. We went to dinners together, celebrated birthdays, and even have a group chat titled, Besties. Super cool right?

Now the Hispanic girl and one of the white girls are both married and both have a sons. The Hispanic one lives with her mom and the white one lives with her husband’s parents. It’s funny to hear them try to tell a black girl that we work with, which is also a good friend of mine; “You need to have your boyfriend put a ring on it.” Her overall response, in which I totally agree with, is that she isn’t in the financial pool to get married and she wants to make sure that she has hers together before anything and they are just not ready.

Now I can’t seem to take marriage advice from 2 girls who had babies at 19, which is not the bad part. But hold up. The Hispanic girls husband is not her son’s father. Anyway, these men asked you to marry them and you guys are living at your parents’ house with your son’s. “Huh?” And the husband of the white girl flat out said in front of us that he only married her because she basically begged to get married. Girl…Huh?

Let’s move on. So my Hispanic friend started giving titles. She was the authoritative one, which is true. The white girl that’s married was the passive one. The non-married one was Mother Goose and Mary Poppins in one, and me? I was the token black girl.

Now, I’ve always heard of that terminology but never knew what it really meant. So I would even call myself the token black friend/girl until my Hispanic friend said to me that I don’t act black and because I’m light brown skinned, is basically why I was token. So there was another “huh?”, moment in my life. Oh, another thing, she said that she doesn’t like “the black people that act ghetto. “Lol. Okay……

Yea, I’m a little light brown skinned. I have frizzy locs and my hair is like a 4a, basically kinky. One side is completely shaved. I wear long acrylic coffin shaped nails, I blast rap music all the time, I have lots of “unprofessional tattoos”, a resting bitch face and I have a black boyfriend.

So maybe because my name is not Bonequisha and I don’t have a crazy hairdo with all types of colors, I have a decent car, I made it as a teacher, I am technically Jamaican and I can annunciate my words makes me not act black? Girl huh? Now let’s talk about her because for some odd strange reason, she acts like she comes from gold and boogie like. She’s always broke. She makes way more than her husband, and they are still broke together.

She asks us to bring her q-tips in the group chat because she doesn’t have any. I have put gas in her car so many times. She buys her shoes in Wal-Mart while I’m wearing Tory Burch shoes. I live in a semi upper middle class black neighborhood and she lives in borderline hood. Her husband knows all the lyrics to all the Migos, Future and Lil Wayne songs. He sags his pants and wears extra large shirts and says the N word. Nothing more needs to be said.

And I’m venting, not bashing. You all understand.

Oh and let me add, this year my parents will be celebrating 29 years of marriage and all of them have divorced parents. And oh yeah, my parents have no post high school education and owned businesses and have worked in middle to upper management.

Let’s continue. I have gone to country music stuff, rodeo bars and all these other things with them that you don’t see too many black people doing, because culturally we don’t go to rodeo bars. But I know if I ask to go to a hip-hop club or event, no one would be able to find a baby sitter or something will come up.

They laugh at things that I have to analyze to get the joke and I still don’t. The husband and boyfriend of the 2 white girls are so annoying and a-holes and they just don’t know when to shut up. I’ve never ever brought my boyfriend around them, and I am usually the only one without a date, and I have been okay with that. We just won’t blend well.

I am at a point in life that I’ve muted the group chat and I will read it at night. I won’t respond. I’ll chat at work, but I keep it brief and I sit next to the other few black girls in meetings and laugh with them. Now some may say that I should voice what I feel. No worries. I am waiting for the proper opportunity. because you know you want to be proper and not ghetto, right?

In all, I like being black, I like being around black people and I want to be around those that acknowledge my blackness. Now I don’t know what it means to act black directed towards a black person. Like girl huh? But what I am trying to say is that I like being who and what I am, and sometimes, just sometimes, it is so much more comfortable being with a group of girlfriends that I can talk about Love and Hip Hop with, sipping wine, and twerking in the mirror and be okay!